Relationship Series, #2
The Cancer of Isolation
This morning I
would like to continue our series on relationships that we began last Sunday. I
believe of all the things I have ever preached that are pastoral in nature,
this series will do the most to help us in our homes to understand and develop
our relationships.
As you know,
last week we began our series by focusing on the wedding ceremony as Brother
Branham gave it. He also said in the message Flashing Red Light, “Notice, there is nothing that God could give
a man outside of salvation better than a nice wife. There's no man can console,
no person can console a person when they're tired; they'll won't confide in
anyone like they do their own wife. And what a fortunate thing you brothers are
when you've got a nice little wife that's clean, and upright, and moral, and
you can come in when you're tired and weary and set down, and she can talk to
you. She can do more with you than anybody else. That's right. She's a jewel;
she's a queen.”
It was once
said, “Getting married is easy, staying
married is difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime would be
considered among the fine arts.”
Last week we
took our text from the wedding ceremony which Brother Branham used, where he
said, “It is therefore not by any to be
entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but advisably,
soberly, and in the fear of God.
We focused our
thoughts on these three main points which he said, being advisably, soberly, and in the fear of God.
We found to
enter into marriage, advisably, means that you are to seek advice, counsel or the opinion of someone who is
knowledgeable, if you are serious about establishing and maintaining a
harmonious relationship with someone for the next 70-80 years of your
life. Therefore you had better know
what it takes to make that relationship work. If marriage is to be entered into
advisably, then it can not be entered into without preparing for it.
Secondly he said, “it (marriage)
must be entered into soberly, meaning to be temperate, not extreme,
but serious,
solemn, grave and sedate. Not bright, garish or flashy, but with quietness, plainness, and
in
self control. In other words,
well thought out, having your mind, your emotions, and your flesh under control.
These are not attributes of an immature person. These attributes suggest
someone who is mature and thoughtful.
The third
point brother Branham brings out is, “it (marriage)
must be entered into in the fear of God. And
according to God’s own word, “the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, a
good understanding have all they that do [his commandments]: In Proverbs 1:7 we read, ¶
The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of knowledge: [but] fools
despise wisdom and instruction.
If we want to
have a marriage that lasts, one that is focused, and that is entered into with
understanding and prudence, then we need to enter marriage “in
the fear of the Lord.”
As we began
our series last week we also examined the word relationship and found that it
comes from the root word relation, or relations. Webster tells us the word
relationship deals with the connection of persons by blood or marriage, and
uses the word kinship to express this relationship. Therefore in this series
when we are speaking of relationship, we will be speaking of family.
We found the
same thing applies in having a relationship to God. From the message, “Is Your Life Worthy of the Gospel” Brother
Branham said, “Christians, oh, you must have a personal relationship to
God. In order to be a son of God, you
must become relation to God. He must be your Father in order for you to be
a son. And only His sons and daughters are saved, not the members of a church,
but sons and daughters. There's only thing--one thing that will produce that;
that's the new birth. The new birth is
the only thing that will produce relationship to God.”
We found that
relationship is not the same as fellowship. These are two different words.
According to Webster and Brother Branham, relationship has to do with family
access, or family connectivity, where
as fellowship is something altogether different. Fellowship has to do with
sharing things in common, But what we found last week is it takes relationship to give you true fellowship. And the
focus of every family here this morning, should be to have true fellowship with
your spouse, your children, your siblings, because, there is nothing better in life than for a man and wife to be
able to share their life with each other.
In the Message God’s Provided Way, brother Branham
said, “We enter into fellowship through relationship, by being borned of the Holy Spirit,…”
And in Ephesians 2:18 For through him we both have access by one
Spirit unto the Father
Access into fellowship. That is what
marriage and relationships are all about.
Access into fellowship. Access into sharing. Access into love.
And yet why do
we see so many marriages falter. Why do we see so many marriages die a slow
death.
In Matthew 13: 22 Jesus told us, He also that received seed among the thorns
is he that heareth the word; and the
care of this world, and the
deceitfulness of riches, choke the
word, and he becometh unfruitful.
Now, to be choked is not sudden death.
No, death sets in rather slowly and harshly through suffocating, it begins to
die for lack of something, and that is exactly how so many marriages have ended
in the big “D” for Death by Divorce. And since this is the hour for the
great Divorce, when God has Divorced
the church because she has cut herself off
from Him and His Life, it should only seem fitting that the
manifestation of this divorce and separation, would become manifested in the
lives of so many people today. He
said, I used to know you as my wife, but I do not know you as my wife any more…
And thus cut off from Him she dies.
We read in Ephesians 4:17 ¶ This I say therefore, and testify in the
Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of
their mind, 18 Having their understanding darkened, they become alienated from the life of God through (there’s
your conduit) through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: 19 Who
being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all
uncleanness with greediness. 20 But ye have not so learned Christ; Notice, they have become alienated,
separated, set apart, that means excluded.
Now this is a terrible condition to be
in, but this is the same atmosphere we find the majority of marriages in today.
Married yet lonely. Married yet isolated.
Married, yet separated from the fellowship of sharing a life together.
The more I study on
this subject of marriage, The more I am convinced that the neurotic condition
brother Branham spoke to us about seems to be the main reason for the high
amount of disintegration in marriages today. If you remember, the cares of this
life seem to engulf the people. That is the beginning’s of neurosis.
I TIMOTHY 6:10 For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted
after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many
sorrows. 11 But thou, O man of God, flee these
things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience,
meekness. 12
Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou
art also called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.
It is a known fact
among marriage counselor’s today that nearly 85% of all marriage dissolution’s
occurs because of money problems.
Therefore, the cares of this life begins the whole down hill spiral. The people
get so caught up in the cares of this life, that it just takes over the
marriage. This brings about compulsive behavior, which in turn, leads to
possessive behavior, which brings about fear which in turn brings forth
depression and finally disassociation. And then at this point death has taken
it’s toll.
The following story was published by a
San Jose Patrolman Dave Johnson in a
Book called “The Light Behind the Star”. “I could see a couple standing in the yard of a home. A woman was crying
and yelling at the man, who was standing with his hands in the pockets of his
greasy overalls. I could see homemade tattoos on his arms-usually a sign of
having been in prison.
Walking toward the two, I heard the woman
demanding that he fix whatever he had done to the car so she could leave. He
responded only with a contemptuous laugh.
She turned to
me and asked if I would make him fix the car. The other officer came forward,
and we separated the couple to find a solution to the problem.
I began talking
to the man, who told me his wife was
having an affair and was leaving him. I asked if they had gone for counseling,
and he said he wasn’t interested. He said he was interested in only getting
back his “things”, which he said she had hidden from him.
I asked the
wife about his things and she said she wouldn’t give them to him until she got
one of the VCR's. She said she wanted only one of the three VCR’s they owned.
The other
officer walked over to the wife’s car and looked under the hood to see if he
could fix the trouble. The husband walked over, took the coil wire out of his pocket, and handed it to the officer. He
then told his wife that she could have a VCR if he could have his things. She finally agreed and went into the house.
(I found out later that his things were narcotics he was dealing in.)
As the wife
entered the house, I noticed two little girls standing in the doorway, watching
the drama unfold. They were about eight and ten years old. Both wore dresses
and each clung to a Cabbage patch doll. At their feet were two small suitcases.
My eyes couldn’t leave their faces as they watched the two people they loved
the most tear at each other.
The woman emerged
with the VCR in her arms and went to the car where she put it on the crowded
back seat. She turned and told her husband where he could find his things. They
agreed to divide their other possessions equally.
Then, as I watched in disbelief, the husband pointed to the two little
girls and said, “Well, which one do you want?” with no apparent emotion, the
mother chose the older one. The girls looked at each other, then the older
daughter walked out and climbed into the car. The smaller girl, still clutching
her Cabbage Patch doll in one hand and her suitcase in the other, watched in
bewilderment as her sister and mother drove off. I saw tears streaming down her
face. The only “comfort” she received was an order from her father to go back
into the house, as he turned to go talk with some friends.
He concludes
this story by saying, “There I stood…the unwilling witness to the
death of a family.”
Why did this family die? Was it drugs? The husbands
criminal background? Was it the anger and hatred? No! All these things may have
been involved, but the look on the little girls face said it all. What Dave Johnson saw was the pain filled
eyes of a little girl who over the years
had watched a creeping separateness distance her parents from each
other. That family died from a disease which infects millions of marriages
today, a disease called isolation. Notice it is isolation or disassociation
which is the last attribute of neurosis before the all consuming conversion or
change takes place. The big “D”, divorce.
Why did
brother Branham use those three points in the wedding ceremony? Because unless
you are willing to enter marriage advisably, soberly, and in the fear of God, your
marriage is destined to naturally move toward this state of isolation. What does this mean? You have got to enter
marriage with a plan, and not just any plan will do. You have got to enter this
marriage with God’s plan for that marriage. After all, he is the author of
marriage. It is He that said, GENESIS
2:18 ¶ And the LORD God said, [It
is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
GENESIS 2:21 ¶ And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall
upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh
instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken
from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23
And Adam said, This [is] now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh:
she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall
be one flesh.
Now this word
cleave means to stick together, to cling, stick, stay close, cleave, keep
close, stick to, stick with, follow closely, join to, overtake, catch So we see it was God Himself that
said, it is not good for man to dwell alone, therefore, I will institute
marriage for the purpose of having someone by his side always.
But what
causes this isolation, this separation, this exclusion or alienation that takes
place in marriages today? When you are
excluded you have a feeling of distance, a lack of closeness, and very little
intimacy. You can share the same ship,
but have no fellowship. You can sleep in the same bed, eat at the same
table, parent the same children, and still be alone, and isolated, alienated
and cut off. The sad thing is that
people don’t marry thinking they will be lonely. It’s just the opposite. People
marry to fill that void of loneliness. They marry to share their lives together.
But what has happened to bring about this void called alienation or
isolation?
PROVERBS 14:12
¶
There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof [are]
the ways of death. 13
¶ Even in laughter the heart
is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth [is] heaviness.
I do not
believe that any one intentionally wants their marriage to turn sour. Nor do I
believe that any one would intentionally do that which leads to death. But man
has a propensity too often to try to work out their problems on their own,
without the help of God. If we are to
have a marriage that one which God Himself ordained, then we must have a
blueprint to follow. How can we try to produce on our own a marriage which is
something that God has ordained. Wouldn’t it seem a little ridiculous to leave
out the author of marriage from the planning of our own? I mean, if He ordained
and established marriage, then wouldn’t He also be the one who designed how
marriage should be lived out. And if He designed marriage for man to fulfill
that emptiness in man, to fulfill that loneliness in man, to take that
loneliness away, don’t you think that He wouldn’t also have a plan to keep that
marriage together?
Therefore, if
any marriage is to stay together, it has to be put together by way of
composition, and it has to be done by God Himself. He does have a plan for your life, and he has someone to share
that plan with.
Now, then, we
are looking at two things here. First, to have a marriage that will last we
must go tot he source of that marriage for our answers. And secondly, when we
try to do so on our own, we should know by now that we are bound to fail.
We know that
the number one killer is heart disease. At least it has been so for the past 40
years. We know that this is a sign of the end-time. LUKE 21:25 And there shall be signs in the sun, and in
the moon, and in the stars; and upon the earth distress of nations, with
perplexity; the sea and the waves roaring;
26 Men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those
things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be
shaken. 27 And then shall they
see the Son of man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 28 And when these things begin to come to
pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draweth
nigh.
In the
message, BALM IN GILEAD 59-0614
Brother Branham said, And now, we hear so
much today about heart disease. They say that heart trouble is the number one
killer in America. Heart trouble isn't the number one killer; it's sin that's
the number one killer in America. Sin is what does the killing.
And I would like to ask, what is sin?
It’s unbelief!
Dr. James Lynch,
a specialist in Psychosomatic diseases at the University of Maryland, wrote a
book called, “The Broken Heart: The Medical Consequences of Loneliness”,
based on the premise that heart disease is connected with a lack of human
companionship. He said, “Almost every segment of our society seems to
be deeply afflicted by one of the major diseases of our age – human
loneliness.” “The price we are paying for our failure to understand our
biological needs for love and human companionship may be ultimately exacted in
our own hearts and blood vessels.”
The old saying, “He died of a broken heart may be
more true than you think.” The health
of your own heart depends on the amount of Love to that heart.
Man was not created to live alone.
After all, if God Himself longed for companionship and fellowship, how much
more mere man? So to desire for your
lonely heart to be fulfilled with companionship is not an unnatural thing. But
as I said before, if God planned it that way, and He made us to crave
companionship, and He gave us a means to fulfill this craving, then would He
not also give us a way to keep that fulfillment?
From the
message, Reconciliation Through
Fellowship, brother Branham said, Notice...Fellowship,
God wanting to fellowship with man, always wanted to do it. The Old
Testament, all of it was full of the shed blood. "Without the shedding of
blood there is no remission of sin." And where there's no remission of sin there's no fellowship. You've got to
get away from sin before you can every have fellowship with God, 'cause God
can't fellowship with sin. So you're borned a sinner, shaped in iniquity, come
to the world speaking lies, and how can you ever do it? You just might as well
quit right now to begin with. You can't do it within yourself, but there is One Who died to bring you to
fellowship, back not only to fellowship, but relationship with God, to make you
sons and daughters of God. Died for that purpose, come here, proved Hisself
Emanuel, omnipotent. And when an Omnipotent speaks, the miraculous happens.
In the Magazine Psychology Today, Dr. Philip
Zimbardo, professor at Stanford University, said, “I know of no more potent killer than isolation. There is no more
destructive influence on physical and mental health than the isolation of you from
me and us from them. Isolation has been
shown to be the central agent in the development of depression, paranoia,
schizophrenia, rape, suicide and mass murder.” “The devil’s strategy for our
times is to trivialize human existence and to isolate us from one another while
creating the delusion that reasons are time pressures, work demands, or economic anxieties.”
There’s your neurosis again. Oh, how I
love it when God brings me into contact with things that verify and validate
that these things are from God.
In his book, His Needs, Her Needs, Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. contends
that meeting each others needs is the key to making your marriage happy and
affair-proof. Dr. Harley, who directs a network of mental health clinics
throughout the state of Minnesota, has had more than twenty years of experience
in counseling hundreds of couples. He writes: “Once a spouse lacks fulfillment
of any basic need, it creates a thirst that must be quenched. If changes do not
take place within the marriage to care for that need, the individual will face
the powerful temptation to fill it outside of marriage.” Notice how he speaks of these innate
needs for fulfillment that create a thirst if not attended to. Did not brother
Branham speak the same things to us when he said, “God places a thirst in man, and
man tries to quench that thirst on his own?”
When we have
needs which are not being met, this is a good indication that we have become
isolated in our marriage at least in those certain area’s. But so many times we
would rather slide into a state of isolation than to have to deal with the
problem. Just like the person who has come from anxiety, through compulsion,
and possession, fear depression, and into isolation or disassociation, those
who slip into isolation do not do it because they want to be hurt, but rather
they think there is solace and comfort
and safety in solitude. The “Peace of avoidance is better than the pain
of dealing with reality”, but this form of death is very deceptive.
Isolation is
not forced upon any married couple. We delude ourselves by the atmosphere we
have set up in our homes. We create the delusion the we have time pressures,
and work demands, and economic anxieties which lead us to believe that we are
excused for our lack of interest in meeting the needs of our spouse. Every day
we face choices that we must make and it is these choices we make that will
either bring us into a further blessing
in our relationship, or will lead us into depression and eventual isolation.
As I have said
before in the mini series I preached a few years ago called, “Home and the House of God,” And in the
series entitles, “As a man Thinketh in
His Heart,” you might remember where we found that the seeds of every trial,
and every reaction we go through, is only the result of what we have
already been sowing in our mind. It is our minds that get in the way of our
having the most wonderful relationships. It is our minds that get tired, and
look to find an easy way out. It is in our mind where we have the opportunity
to take God’s provided way for our marriage or to take the way which only seems
right for the moment. And it is in our mind where the atmosphere is created to
either cause a wonderful harmonious relationship to exist or destructive
isolation to occur. It all begins in
our minds.
We know that
this is the hour when the church ends up in divorce-ment because she isolates
herself from the Groom, Jesus Christ the Word. He’s on the outside knocking,
trying to gain entrance but she won’t open the door. Oh, how I hope you see
that this is the spirit of the age. Don’t get caught up into that or your
marriage to one another and your marriage to Him will end up on the ash heap of
history. It’s time to arise and shake ourselves. Pinch yourself to make sure
you are awake. Remember, Brother Branham taught us to look at the women and you will
see the condition of the church.
From the
Message, I WILL RESTORE, brother
Branham said, “not only among the Pentecostal denominations, but all
denominations, this great palmerworm has broke down brotherhood. It's did it
with the Lutherans. It's did it with the Baptists. It's did it with the
Presbyterians. It's did it with the Nazarenes. It's did it with the Pentecostals.
It's always been that old worm in there to make them isolate themselves.
"We got it. You ain't got nothing." What a pity. He goes on to say .. And
did you notice it's the same insect all the way down. Now, this old devil
cankerworm has come in, and he crawls in the skin too, you know, cankers you
up. Once they ever find a little thing and when he does, it don't make any
difference what somebody else tries to say, he will just hold to that, and he will isolate his little group into
something, "but this is this." Brother, it ain't, "This is
this."; this is "that."
WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN'T KEEP VICTORY So it takes the baptism of the Holy Ghost to
come into that human heart there to make the thing run right. The love of God,
God is love. And unless each one of these gifts is put right in the center of
love, it'll become selfish and indifferent, and pull itself off, and isolate
itself, and cross over, and fuss and stew. But when it's anchored right into
the middle of love, it'll fellowship everywhere. And that's right. That's
exactly what we need. The church is dying for love, brother.
As you fill
out this questionnaire, be completely honest and ask yourself, when I do any of
the following of these activities, do we both participate (husband and wife
together) or do we seem to have our own way of doing these things apart.
Areas of relationship |
Isolated1 |
2 |
3 |
4 |
5 |
Intimacy6 |
Spiritual Growth and Togetherness |
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Finances |
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Problem
Solving |
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Rearing our children |
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Goals for
our Marriage |
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Physical
Intimacy |
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Emotional
intimacy |
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Resisting
stress and pressures |
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Recreation
and friendships |
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Grocery
shopping |
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